Date: 2008-08-23 15:12:52
Subject: It does feel like no one cares anymore
I know there are a lot of people hurting, and I too have been suicidal many times. I spent all last week in the hospital for theses issues again. And I can't help feel, no one cares anymore because I have been in the hospital a couple times before. I'ts hard when no one calls or visits or even seems to know I wasn't there really.Support at home is non existant, family worse. And in Law is just an evil force in my life right now. I have been praying. I do feel if I just stopped going to church no one would really notice and some might be relieved. I know this has to be MY feeling. I love this church, great people. So I know it is all me and my behaivior. I have gotten help, but sometimes I just need to talk or be around others. But I think people most liky think I am just to weird now. I don't want people to be nice just to be polite. I need real people, even if they are hurting too. Would be nice to be ble to help others in my struggle.
Date: 2008-08-15 11:29:01
Subject: I care!
I read both of your blogs and the responses to them. I can understand both of you. I have lived with suicical thoughts (I've acted upon them as well) throughout most of my life. I always felt I was "different" than everyone else. I never met someone who was suicidal. I was cured or so I thought by what I call "an awakening" about two years ago. My awakening was a night of crying, reading the bible, yelling at God, talking to God and asking for answers and a realization of my own input in my situation. But...like the musician...I'm back in this place I call "hell" again. I know how you feel about hiding believe me. I do go to Church and work but that's about it. Last week when they had the small groups thing set up in the foyer at Church, I sooooo badly wanted to sign up but couldn't bring myself to do it. I cry all the time and I'm afraid of doing anything. I've even cried during the service Jim does. Especially last Sunday with the one about suffering. Oh man could I relate to that. I tried to start a "singles" group at Church months ago and one woman showed up at the information meeting and not that I'm judging but, she scared me. I know there's lonely people out there like me and I wanted to pull them out of their hiding and bring them together for the benefit of us all. I want to help in some way while helping myself. I've always felt that in all the counseling that I've had because of my suicide issues and depression that if just once I could talk to someone who could actually say "I know exactly how you're feeling" because they've been there, it would have helped me. When Jim talked numerous times about our gifts and how sometimes we go through things for a reason... I felt compelled to find some way to help suicidal people because "I've been there". The problem is....I'm scared that I'm heading downward to that same place again. I'm usually a very upbeat, sunshinny type person. People love being around me. People tell me all the time what a fun, spirit I have and it's very uplifting. Where is that woman now? I just had my 50th birthday and now I have a health issue that is weighing on me. I was suppose to get married on July 19th but he walked out of my life just after I sent out all the invitations. My kids who have never visited me from back home were still going to come and see me in July but decided they couldn't afford it. I tried dating a guy twice and he just never showed up for one of our dates and never even had the decency to call or email. Then after three weeks decided he made a mistake and asked for a second chance only to do the exact same thing again. A friend I thought was a good friend decided to give me up as a friend because I confronted her on the way she treated me. I'm clueless! I have no family here. The closest is my Mom in Ocala. I have one friend from work who is 30 yrs younger than I am so we don't socialize too often other than dinner out once in awhile. I'm lonely! I'm a very caring person and I have a lot to give. Where do I turn?
By the way, I've been attending NCC for almost two years and have even worked as a volunteer for a kids thing at Halloweeen and attended a fundraiser spaghetti dinner but not once have I made any kind of connections at NCC.
?????
Date: 2008-07-28 10:44:19
Subject: Re: Terrible depression. Does anyone care?
Some one does care and there is hope. I have lived over half my life with depression and thru years of trying to find the right medications, doctors and counseling, and through much prayer and some faith, I must say it is not easy. I understand the pain one goes thru when the loss of a loved one happens and you feel like your whole world is falling apart. Your heart aches, really aches, and it is sometimes very hard to see the light. If you need some one to talk to that has had the loss of a child, when tradgety hits like a ton of bricks, I would love for you to e-mail me at 3angelbabys@comcast.net Love in Jesus' name,Marcia Santos
Date: 2008-07-09 19:58:04
Subject: Marital Struggles
I'm responding to the woman whose husband left her for his secretary. Four years ago after 34 years of marriage, my husband left me also and moved to Florida. I was also devasted, angry and lonely. I had to totally turn to the Lord for my strength and hope and future to get thru the whole divorce process. What a merciful God we have! He has guided my life step by step. I have grown so much in my Christian life and as an independent woman. The Lord has blessed me with many new friends along my journey. I start my day every morning giving Him thanks for what I have and what He has done for me. I will be praying for you, especially with raising your children. L.D.
Date: 2008-06-29 18:15:10
Subject: Terrible depression. Does anyone care?
My 28-year-old son committed suicide almost 6 years ago and life has not been the same since. And my daughter, now 29, has abandoned me this past year for no reason I can discern except that she has a new man in her life and can't make room for me, too. She has two children 3 and 5 and I want to see my grandchildren, but I've been told not to visit, although I was told a earlier that I COULD visit. I feel so alone. I'm married, but I may as well not be since we have nothing in common except an address. I try to get up every day, pray and thank God for all that He has given me, but I am unable to accomplish anything because I am so depressed. I pray and pray and pray. I've tried a lot of antidepressants, but none has helped. If you are depressed or grieving, please write and maybe we can help each other.
